Today at the office not much werk so i went to surf the net japz & read ma blog on watever i've written all dis while.

Aft reading ade cam nk ketawa sendiri,ade cam very2 sad tinking back wat had happen & feeling angry & frustrated pon ade..Alot of mixed feelings overcum me wen i read ma journals again fr dae one till ma last entry on 13/02/06.

So much tings has happen..Sadness,hapiness,makin new fwenz & so much more.
Nw i noe y i ma own sis even mistook ma words here..I tink im totali sux in expressing mysely especially in handling wif words.Wat ma words expressed here & ma feelings totali differs.

Nw i noe e reason y ma own sis is very curious to noe ma feelings previously rupa rupanye haiz..im juz totali sux at words dats y i used to fail badly on ma summary back in ma skol daes!!! Mayb I shld stop writing instead bt who can i express ma feelings if nt of dis blog of mine??

Even it is juz a cyber thingy,at least i feel hapi being able to express everytink out rather den keepin it silently in ma heart.Also i wana share undirectly wat has happen to me recently & present to ma fwenz & sis who i share dis blog.

Also w/o realised,since dae one till nw,Aditz has always been in ma composition almost every entry here.Did i reali2 missed & luv him dat much till nw??

Its hard to express ur feelings wen matters of the heart concerned!!
He is still in ma heart till i find myself hard nt to rem him everydae, wherever i go & watever i do.Hw i wished tings bet me n him is as easy & simple as ABC...bt too bad, we gone too far to make it simplier.

Starting todae,i will try to stop mentioning bt him again.I wana to try!!
He has neva care & tink of me & i duno y he came again to ma lyfe again late last year?Tru we might noe each other for nearly a decade bt i reali dun noe him inside out & worst still dun even noe who he is..Bt one tingz im sure is dat,he still luv me deeply dwn his heart bt too bad i cld nt give him e happiness & luv he has always wanted fr a woman.

Im sorie Aditz bt i did tried ma best to save watever i can bt clapping wif juz one hand is nt strong enuf to make tings werk out bet us.Hw we first met & ended,he will always b sumone special dat stay vividly in ma heart for nw.

Thought its hard,its been years i've been waiting for sumone who dun appreciate my presence & only nw dat i finali hv e courage to admit dat im nt the one for him.
Sumone out der is deserve him more den i do..Dwn in ma silence,i will pray for his safety,hapiness & sumone who ever enter in lyfe whom i truly madly & deeply in luv wif..

I learn ma lesson nt to luv sumone dat much again & i realised dat i luv him more den anytink else in dis world.Bt i've to learn to let tings go & seek for ma own hapiness nw.

Neway i will soon be posted to Jakarta by end of April.Will b der for abt 1/2 mths only.Aft dat biz trip,i will den decide where ma future path will be.Its tyme i packed ma tings & look ahead for ma future.

Alot of guyz cum to ma lyfe aft i brroke off him him three yrs ago..Wif looks,career juz name it bt Rizzal is still the best man for me so far & i can neva find a patient man lyke him who willing to tolerate my nonsense,luv me for who & wat i m & worst still rite here waiting for me to cum to back to my senses & listen to ma woes & sorrow wenever i feel lyke sharing ma agony wif him especially wen der will b a tyme i suddenly misses Aditz so much.He is always der,stood by me & understand wat im goin thru.

A guy lyke him is a rare species & if happens i suddenly sort out ma lyfe & wana to settle dwn for gud,he will be ma first choice whom i choose to b ma husband to b bt if tings turned out another way for me,i will save as much money as i cld again,go back to Australia either to idle ard for a moment or werk.Ma sis & ma best fren,Ita will b der as ma company..Definately it will nt be Melbourne dis tyme round bt Darwin will b ma next destination.Mayb who noes i wana settle dwn der for gud.
I wun noe..Dis is juz ma planning for the future.I juz hope & pray tings will sailed smoothly as plan..Marriage will also b in ma list nw.Im nt getting younger & i need sumone to take care of me,to luv me whole heartely & of course sumone who dotes on me alot.Kata org makin tua makin jiwa "sensitive".

As for nw,i will learn step by step to let ma feelings go slowly twds Aditz.
Bet me & Aditz,its juz a fairytale stories which i will look upon if ever he came to ma mind or wenever i tink of him.Aditz,i gona miss u alot...definately....

No hatred bet us & i wished him e best in watever he do & i hope he will b able to find his tru luv..one fine dae..De,he dun even noe im writting dis..Im sure he will b happy to noe dat i've let him go w/o any hatred etc.
A sincere doa fr sumone whom he ever broke her heart into million pieces.

If i decide to put marriage in ma list aft e trip,den i begin to believe wat ma sis & gud fwenz words ever told me is tru.Sumtimes in lyfe u cannot married the person u luv bt marry the rite man who luvs u whole heartely is the best ting dat can happen to a woman.Mayb it will happen to me bt dis tyme definately wif no regrets wen i made e decision.Its becos i've been tinkin for years before cumin to a final conclusion...
Dis is sumtink dat will definately affect ma entire lyfe.

I always believe watever happens for a reason & wat cums around goes around.

Its nt easy being a gal named "Marni"..Haiz..wat to do..to many choices to make & decide till i lost e touch for myself..